Following last year's bumper crop, the bounty seems to have been exhausted for this year. So far, the harvest has gone quite slowly. The field has been guarded recently by an extremely scary scarecrow, and so an effective famine has occurred for the last month.

We've had more success recently, mostly through the work of outside operatives, but even so, "The Apparatus," might have to be called upon.

Recently, we have been much more successful at harvesting the uncharted waters of Ellis, Sewickley, and the Middle school. In fact, we are trying hard to resist the temptation to overfish, and someone warned a group of tigers that we were out hunting. ... well, it's already a record year, so we'll have to think of some creative and artistic way to repay Demeter.

Unfortunately, we overfished the bountiful waters and the stock got so low -- there were only 12 fish in the pond -- that we had to artificially resupply the waters through some early Christmas Presents. Now that the supply has been rebuilt, it should be able to reproduce and the record year should continue.

The cross-country team has undergone an allegorical and categorical castration of sorts. The bout of kleptomania seems to be cured -- for now.

The field hockey team won its first state playoff game against Forbes Road, 4-3 in a stroke-off. Ali Cherry was a brick wall, and Marley Aloe put away the winning shot in the very very very long and intense battle.

The bubble burst in the next game against Line Mountain from District IV. The score was 4-0. No WPIAL team has ever won field hockey states, so this was still pretty good.

Now, a new conflict looms on the horizon. The battle of the century. An athletic contest that will be time-honored and remembered for ages. Boys' Cross Country versus Girls' Field Hockey in that most sacred of sports, field hockey. The game will be sometime Friday, but the time is still in doubt, or there is still some doubt about the exact time, if you will.

The game has been postponed, or pushed back to a later date, if you will. Too many of the field hockey players were too busy to play. Matt Hall, our star striker, was college visiting, so this was okay with us. But now, when the game finally does go down, so to speak, Lady Mercy will not be in attendance.